One of those days

I should have written this post days ago.  Now I sit and stare at a blank page.  What to write?  What to say? I think something witty would be good, something sad would be better, and then of course there is my favorite topic: FOOD.  But, I do not have anything witty to say today, perhaps something sad, and as to food? Well, I would love to get a moment to sit down and eat at some point today.  May I be honest with you?  I am overwhelmed.  I was thinking I need to write about "something positive" but I am positively not there.  I do not think it is wrong to acknowledge hardship, it is not wrong to see the mess in life.  The question is: How do you deal with the mess?  I don't know about you, but I am full of mess.  I have been struggling with that question all morning.  I know what I want the answer to be, but I am not sure if that is the real answer of my heart.



Let me tell you about my week.  For a few weeks we had been planning to visit my Mom this past weekend.  She lives four and half hours away in Ohio.  I love going to stay and visit with her.  The morning of our trip to Ohio I found out a friend I grew up with died in a tragic car accident.  We went to Mom's and still had a good time but the trip had a sadness hanging over it, do to the shocking news we had received.  We stayed a day longer then we had planned so we would be able to attend his memorial service.  We pulled into our driveway at 2:46am last night.  We were exhausted! I had the whole next day planned out. We would sleep in (duh!), grocery shop, I had some appointments I needed to go to and Andrew was going to watch little man so I could go to them.  I had a relaxing evening planned, full of yummy food, maybe a glass of wine, and time to finally talk with my husband.  I wanted to share things I was struggling with about the shocking news of the death of my friend.  I grieve slowly and share even slower. In my mind I had "planned" that tonight would be the perfect night to open up.  Well, this morning we awoke to a loud knock on our door.  We had slept in very late and was not expecting visitors.  Andrew went to the door. There stood a Sergeant from his unit,  Andrew was late for training.  We thought his training started Saturday! Our phones were packed away in random bags so we never heard them.  I do not know how the mix up happened, all I know is that all my plans were ruined.  I have had to cancel appointments, call to find a sitter, and change plans we have had for the following few days.  I wanted to scream (I still kind of want to scream).  All of this has had me asking, how do I deal with these kind of days? How do I deal with this mess? The stress?

I hope all of this hasn't sounded like a whine-fest. I just want to be real. This is where I am at today, this is how I am struggling.  How do you wrap your mind around never seeing a familiar face again?  How do you see that today's stress is not tomorrows stress?  How do I stop fighting to be in control of my life and allow God to be in control (like he is)?  As difficult as this day has been I have been allowing it to remind me that I am not in control no matter how hard I try or how often I think that I am.