This morning I was making my bed and thinking about the dishes I needed to get done and then I noticed the laundry pile in the corner of our room and remembered that I forgot to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer last evening. Ahhh! Ever have a morning like this? I started my day feeling overwhelmed before 8am, that is a little depressing. Unfortunately, I think I start the majority of my days this way. Beginning my days in such a stress filled state is just asking for disaster. I am snippy with my husband, impatient with my son, and just frustrated in general. What can I do about this?
Why am I freaking out so much? Do you feel like you freak out? I definitely freak our more than I ever thought I would. I have always been a really laid back/low stress kind of a gal. But when it comes to my home and messiness? I turn into a kind of crazy person (no joke!) I often feel that if I can just "catch up" or even better "get ahead" then I would have peace, my life would be better, and everything would fall into place. But that is a lie! What is catching up, really? There is always another meal, more dishes to wash, and always (always!) more laundry to do. I think I have the Martha problem: "Martha was distracted with her many tasks..." Luke 10:40b Mary, (Martha's sister) was sitting at Jesus' feet and allowing herself time to sit but Martha was too distracted with her "tasks" to even see the goodness of sitting at the Saviors feet. I don't know about Martha but I know that when everything is in its right "place" (at least according to me) I try and manipulate my situation to be something I can feel good about and pretend that I haven't just lost my temper with my son; well if I did it was because my dishes were not done and he just dumped the blocks on the floor again. Once the blocks and dishes are cleaned and put away I think that the problem wasn't me it was just my situation. The problem was me, if the dishes and blocks played a part that is only because I had put an emphasis on them that should have never been there. Please don't hear me say to stop cleaning or to not care about being organized, I think these are all important and can help bring structure to a home. What I am saying is that the reason behind the importance of cleaning up does matter. If I am only keeping my home clean and organized to give myself a sense of peace OR to be in control of something while the rest of my life is crazy and messy, I see a big problem with that. If that is my mind set then it is selfish and will only cause tension in my home. My husband will never clean up right or he'll put his shoes in the wrong place... again (can you tell that has been a place of tension in my home?) My son will just frustrate me because he dumped his toy box out again! When I think of keeping my house cleaned and together in selfish terms it is just about what I want and how I want everything to look. Having a different perspective makes all the difference? What if a clean house wasn't (just) about my peace of mind? What if it was about loving my family? What if it is about teaching my son to be responsible and desiring to help? Instead of grumbling to myself as I pick up my son's spilled toy box for the hundredth time today I should patiently teach him to pick it up himself. I find myself so thankful for all the ways my husband helps me when I see the bigger picture (and get past his shoes and socks laying in the middle of the floor). I find myself on a daily basis thinking the only time I can breath and sit down or enjoy time with my family is when everything is done and ready, but I often find when I wait for that time it never comes. It is time for me to even enjoy the task I do and keep the big picture in mind.
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