Sisters Chat about the Institution of Marriage

Maude: In light of the marriage amendment that just passed in NC, I wanted to talk about the institution of marriage.
Esther: good idea
Maude: Clearly, marriages are falling apart all over the place. Why do you think that is? What is causing that to happen do you think?
Lizzi: I think people don't know what it's supposed to be about. They have faulty perceptions of fairytale love and don't see the necessity of commitment and self-sacrifice.
Esther: I think a lot of it boils down to selfishness. Marriage is work, is sacrifice, but putting the other's needs before your own - that is not easy.
Maude: I think it is selfishness. I think people are increasingly self-centered and don't know how to put others first.
Haha!
We are reading each other's minds, Es!
Esther:  Great minds think alike.
Maude: I read an article recently that said a scientific study had proven that selfish behaviours and attitudes increase before divorces occur. I thought, "You need a scientfic study to show that?!"
Esther: It is really easy to love someone who is loving you. But, when they're mean and not being lovely we want to kick them to the curb. No one is perfect but is much easier to shrug off my own selfishness then to forgive my husband's selfishness.
Lizzi: So true. We only feel content when we are getting what we want and when times get tough and people act human, we want to stand up for our "rights" and give up.

Maude: I think it is important to focus on our own actions and behaviours. No matter how the other person acts, we need to make sure our responses are correct. If both people do that it de-escalates conflict rapidly. Easier said than done, of course.
You shouldn't say "people act human" Liz. That sounds like a cop-out, say when people are sinful and selfish. There is no excuse for it even though we are human!
Esther: I think Liz meant that "acting human" is to be sinful and selfish
Lizzi: I guess I was just saying "when people act as people will" which IS sinful and selfish. It helps to remember that it's inevitable. And to remember that they are not perfect, when relating to your spouse. At least that's what I think. People WILL sin and be selfish, that's part of the fall, part of being human. And when they do, we are to counter that with selfLESSness. With the unwavering love of Christ. Make sense? I didn't mean it to be a cop-out.
Maude: I understand what you meant, Liz. And you are right when I sin it helps when my husband responds with grace just as I ought to resond to him.
What are the effects of the destruction of marriage on society do you think?
Esther:  Divorce is a very obvious effect
Confused children, who end up distrusting people and their future spouse.
The family unit as a whole not working and functioning as it should. As a result we have more chaos and disorder in our society.
Maude: The childhood example set is hard to overcome. So when they see selfishness in marriage it is much harder to not do it themselves. Vicious cycle.
Lizzi: Breakdown of the family unit increases crime, too
It's bad for society as a whole, but we don't often hear that, do we?
Maude: It hurts education. How can a single, working mother get her kids as ready for kindergarten a schools want?  Much less have time to tutor them all along the way?
Lizzi: Well, like Esther said, when a family is not together children are lost and bewildered. More prone to depression, self-destruction, and often don't have as clear thoughts on ethical matters
Maude: What do you think should be done about it? Should this be handled at a federal level? Or by someone else?
Lizzi: I think it's also important to take note in the increase in people our age and younger who place no value in the institution of marriage. They might live together and have kids and never get married.
Esther: This is (ultimately) a heart issue (selfishness). I don't know what the government could do about that
Lizzi: I think many of them are products of the destruction of divorce themselves and don't want to go through it again. So sad. They've missed the point completely!
Esther: I think, it is the church (my job) to be loving my neighbor, sharing the Gospel, and spreading hope to the hopeless
Maude: Yes, Esther, but it is also a cultural and social issue.
Esther:  Change doesn't not occur from the outside, it only from the inside out
Maude: But, as Lizzi said, many people don't even see that there is a problem.
Lizzi:  We need to show them the amazing truth of marriage! What makes marriage different from a live-in situation is the covenant commitment. It is about taking the vows seriously, about living the contract, in a sense.
What our generation doesn't see is that when they join together without any long-term commitment, they are going through all the harships without the joy of the commitment to fall back on! They are giving their heart without knowing it will be safe with that person
I don't have a solution except to teach them about what real marriage is. and how important it is
And to show that it was ordained by God in a specific way. From the beginning of time
Maude: Do you think just showing people good marriages is enough? Most people just assume it is a front because "We can't see what happens behind the bedroom door."
Should there be a more concerted effort for such a widespread problem? Remember there are plenty of Christian marriages that aren't fantastic themselves
Lizzi: Not a perfect marriage. We have to be real, so that they see the commitment AMIDST the hardship
I agree it is a very serious problem and damaging to our society. I just don't know how is the best way to make a widespead impact.
Maude: In order to reach people - they would have to believe that the marriage you are showing them is genuine. Most people, especially those who don't really believe in marriage to start with, wouldn't believe you. People are very cynical.
I think, on a personal level, we do need to have the best marriages we can and live those out for others. The main people we can impact are our children because they see our real marriage.
But I think we need to do something more.
Don't know what that is though...
Esther: I think helping them see that our marriages are constantly battling sin and selfishness and that we struggle with the same selfishness they do helps. But ultimately their perception of our marriages is their choice
Being wisely vulnerable helps. Sharing struggles, letting them see we are struggling too
helps show we aren't fakes, we are real, with real problems
Lizzi: That's right. But that those struggles are backed up by the commitment to love when it's hard, to stay when it's tough.
Maude: You know how there are those dinners where Christians can invite non-Christan friends into their home and discuss religious topics?  It is a structured study. Do you know what I mean?
I wonder about something like that dealing with marriages
Lizzi: ALPHA? Or is it something different?
Maude:  Yeah probably Alpha or some of the other similar programs.  Because you can be open in that small group but still have the structure so that you aren't as intimidated to lead it.
I wonder if that would have an impact because you could reach more couples but still have a intimate setting...
Anyway... That is really all I have. Anything else to add?
Lizzi: I think this was a great topic. It's really important and will get our wheels turning (and hearts praying!) as to what we can do
Maude: Thanks. Yeah, I wish I could help. 
Esther:  Very thought provoking Maude!
Maude: Thanks. You guys are pretty deep and philosophical!
Lizzi: haha!
Esther: better believe it!  :)