Day by Day

I have been a Christian for almost twenty years. I grew up in the church and was saved during a service shortly after I turned seven. As a Christian, I have known the importance of prayer and studying the scriptures in order to grow in my relationship with God. I have known that God primarily uses these methods to speak to His followers and draw them closer to Himself. I have known that this is the best way to evaluate my perspective on my life, my motives, and my goals, and to realign them with God's perspective when needed. Yes, the benefits of consistent prayer and bible study time are matchless.

What I did not know, however, is that it does not get easier. I knew that day after day I struggled to correctly prioritize. I still fought sleepiness, busyness, and apathy. I guess I thought that eventually all of those struggles would be gone. I thought that I would reach the point in my journey where I would wake up bright-eyed and focused, with all of the cares of the world already at my Savior's feet. These thoughts made my daily struggle much more challenging and discouraging, thinking about how far I had to go in my walk with Christ. I suppose there were days when my failures drew my focus inward, toward my own efforts, instead of on the One who does the work of changing hearts.

Recently, I have been reevaluating this struggle. Why did I think that it would get easier to consistently put God first and prioritize our relationship? Was it because I thought as I grew in closeness to Him, I would naturally want to soak in more time with Him, basking in His presence? Yes. And I still hold to that belief. What I failed to take into consideration, though, is that even while I may grow in my spiritual walk, I am still utterly human and sinful, and I still live in an utterly human and sinful world. I will still have babies waking in the night, and days filled with activities. There will still be issues vying for my attention and I will always struggle with putting self above my Lord. It will never change! Somehow, I find this strangely comforting. It tells me that it's okay to be tired, but not okay to let the tiredness reign. It tells me that I must daily get on my face before God and ask Him to help me choose Him that day. I cannot expect it to happen on its own. I must do battle with my flesh everyday for the rest of my life, it is the only way to grow. It's good to be aware that the struggle never ends, because it encourages me to fight the battle. It also gives me greater anticipation for heaven, where I know the battle is already won.

John Piper has this to share about early morning battles in his book, 'Taste and See: Savoring the Supremacy of God in All of Life.' I find his words very encouraging:

"Maybe I should sleep in this morning. Noel can get the boys off to school. I might get sick if I don't get more rest. I'll be more efficient.... Get off me, Satan! In the name of Jesus Christ, the Almighty, get off my back! God, I'm tired. Help me... Please, open my eyes so I can see wonders in your Word. Oh, God. Mighty God! Maker of heaven and earth and all the galaxies of the universe. That you should lend an ear to me in this little room half awake... That you should call this tempted flesh the temple of the Holy Spirit. That you speak to me from this page as personally and powerfully as though you sat here on the couch and talked..." My heart is full. My eyes are open. My faith is alive. My joy is warm. My conscience is still. My hope is strong.
(John Piper, Taste and See: Savoring the Supremacy of God in All of Life [Multnomah, 1999, 2005] 30-32)

 It is only by daily choosing to put God first, by daily asking for His help to die to myself, that I can be completely at rest and full of His peace. Until I have arrived in heaven, I will constantly be refining the spiritual discipline of prayer and bible study. It allows me to realize my complete and utter dependence on God and my helplessness without Him. And through that, I grow.