You know what I love? I love when I can talk with people about difficult subjects and not feel offended, hurt, or affronted. Even if we cannot come to a solution, it is very beneficial to flesh out an issue together and share with openness and respect. Unfortunately, being able to speak in a rational manner about subjects I am upset or passionate about does not come easily. I do not usually arrive at such a setting without removing myself from any debate of the issue for several days. Am I the only one who is so bull-headed?
Several months ago, I blogged about a verse that was speaking to me about being silent. And waiting to speak. I want to expand on that today. For some reason when I was newly married, the oft-quoted verse about not letting the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26) made me believe that if we went to bed with a matter unresolved we were failing to follow the scriptural commands contained in that verse. So, I thought we had to stay up and discuss it until we came to a happy conclusion. Bad idea! We were already cranky, and tired, and staying up any later was just going to accentuate both of those components. My silly mind was not comprehending what God was really trying to tell me: Work on yourself! Check your anger! Seek My face and lay the issue at my feet before you even think about discussing it again. Why had I been so misguided in my thoughts on the verse? I think because I saw what I wanted to see. I wanted to talk the issue to death, to come to a "conclusion", to have happy feelings again. I didn't want to suffer through a few days of disharmony to get there. And perhaps, I even wanted to win the argument. (Okay, maybe not perhaps.)
I used the exampled of early marriage, but "not letting the sun go down on your anger" can apply to any relationship. When we are facing pressing, urgent, emotional upsets it is not natural to let it slide for a few days. But, I want to argue that that may be just what we need to do in most situations. When you are mad at your spouse (friend, sister, mother, son, insert name here) and you are heading to bed, how much better to talk it through with the Father, and seek the state of your own heart. How much better to take time to pray, really pray, and remove ourselves from the emotion of the moment before responding? We may sometimes find that a situation is seen clearer in the day, and with some time to ponder on it. We may find that an issue is not quite as pressing as we originally thought. We may find that we are more at fault than the other person, or that what they are saying has great validity and merit. We may find out a lot of things that could not be seen if we insisted on dealing with it "before the sun set."
I now find it comical that I originally took such an interpretation from the scripture. How important it is to seek God's face as we study His word and remember that He never contradicts Himself. God does not want the sun to set on our anger, but when He says that He is speaking to us as individuals. Sometimes we cannot resolve matters without time, patience, and humility. I think humility is huge. When we lay ourselves bare before God and cry out to Him for help, we often come away with a realization that we were too full of ourselves in the the first place. (Which usually plays a big role in conflict, at least in my own selfish experience.)
Can I place a challenge before you? Will you walk with me in the "wait to speak" idea for awhile and see where it takes you? When I actually follow what I have laid out here, I have been so blessed by the way God has moved and molded me. May He make me into a gentle and quiet spirit yet!
There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of the sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. -Proverbs 12:18
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