Soaring to Freedom

I sit and watch the little planes take off and land from the airfield near our house.  My son always yelps an excited "ooh!" as they fly by.  Often I have this feeling well up inside me that I want to soar like that plane, go where the wind takes me.  May I be honest with you? Motherhood is hard. I am a care-free person, I like to be able to just go and do, try new things, go exciting places but that is a little hard when you have a two hour afternoon nap to fit in and an 8pm bedtime.  Where can you go between 4pm and 8pm? Not very far.
I can often feel claustrophobic with the schedule (actually, very lose) I keep with my son.  I feel that, if I could just do what I want to do, then everything would be better.  If I could drive in my car ALONE, if I could shower without someone throwing toy duckies at me, if I didn't have to make three meals everyday or vacuum or do laundry, then everything would be better, which all boils down to this:  If I could do what I want to do everything would be better. What a lie. Why is it so easy to make everything I feel and want primary to everything else in life?  The answer is simple really. I am selfish.  Selfish and delusional.  It is so easy to dream hardships away and think someday my children will stop whining, someday my husband will figure out I want flowers everyday (or whatever it may be).  I think back to the plane, I see it as free as going where it wishes,  but any pilot will tell you there are rules to flying.  Weather conditions can prevent planes from flying for many days.  We often think of birds as the epitome of freedom, as being able to do as it wishes, I think A.W. Tozer says it well:

"The naturalist knows that the supposedly free bird actually lives its entire life in a cage made of fears, hungers, and instincts; it is limited by weather conditions, varying air pressures, the local food supply, predatory beasts, and that strangest of all bonds, the irresistible compulsion to stay within the small plot of land and air assigned it by birdland comity.  The freest of bird is, along  with every other created thing, held in constant check by a net of necessity." 


I have been dreaming of a "freedom" that is not even possible.  I want everything I want when I want it on my terms without anyone else butting in.  I want to be able to fly away and do what I want without having to let anyone know or ask their opinion.  In my delusional state I think that if I could just control my life then everything would go smooth for me... why would that work exactly? Oh yes, I am delusional!  But, far too often I think that way.  I am a creature that is dependent. I need others; I need God.  We are relational.  Not only do I need others but they need me.  I am a Wife, I am a Mother, I am denying who I am if I deny these relationships.  I think I do not have enough freedom, I often feel stuck. It really depends on what we consider "freedom", doesn't it? I think my biggest problem is that I have it all backwards.  I think doing what I want brings freedom when in truth that is the very thing that places me in a cage; a cage of my small views and selfish ideas. Could it be that selflessness is where I am most free?  That loving others brings the most joy and freedom? Perhaps placing others before myself is the very thing that will give me wings to fly. I never find contentment when I keep trying to do things my way, when I continually aim for my delusional dream.  If I look at freedom as Christ describes it rather than what I think it should be, how very different my perspective on freedom would be.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. " -Galations 5:1


"Truly, truly I say to you anyone who commits sin is a slave.  The slave does not stay in the house forever; the son remains forever.  So if the Son sets you free you will be free indeed."  -John 8:34-36


"If you have any encouragement from being united from Christ, any comfort from love, any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and in purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.  Each of you should not only look to your own interests but also to the interests of others."  -Philippians 2:1-4 


Let us soar on the wings of a selfless heart. Let us remember where real freedom is found