New Fathers Over Forty

Our guest blogger this week is Jim, our brother-in-law.  He is married to our oldest sister who was born second of the ten. 

I am the father of three wonderful boys. G. (age 5), M. (age 4) and L. (age 2).

I know having three children is no great achievement. I also know that, in itself, simply being a father is not all that difficult for most. However, my story is a little different. See, I became a father for the first time when I was 40 years old.

I have been married to my beautiful wife, H., for just a little over eight years. We got married when I was 38 years old. Until that time, I was a bachelor of the highest degree and had held firmly to some sage advice offered up by my mother when I was about 25 and having some "girl trouble." She said, "Jim, when it comes to marriage, wait until you're 30 and then forget about it." So that is exactly what I did.

Then, as always seems to happen in the movies and romance novels, love hit me square in the face. It was like Mike Tyson bringing a left hook somewhere out of Cleveland and meeting my jaw square on. But I digress. The intent of this article is not to discuss my love life or the beautiful marriage which has blessed us with our boys.

I want to be an ambassador for the other New Fathers Over Forty and share some wisdom, lessons and techniques from being a non-traditional (read OLDER) dad.  The following is how I came to realize that my experience would be a little different:

A Sisters' Visit

Lizzi and Maude actually got to visit in person this week!!  Yeah!!

Maude:  Last Saturday Lizzi and I were able to spend the day together.  It is very nice that she lives an hour from my in-laws so when I am in Washington visiting them I get to see her too!  We had a nice time just letting our four little guys play together while we talked.  Her boys are so sweet!  Her oldest (2 /2 years old) was so hug-able and loved cuddling with me and he and Maeva would just walk up to each other and hug - SOO CUTE!  And her little guy was darling with the sweetest smile around and such round little cheeks.  I love my nephews.

We talked about everything - catching up, comparing mothering notes, and current events.  She and I are the most politically/socially minded girls in the family (we've one brother who is extremely interested too!) so it is always fun to share our opinions about the problems (and our solutions!) to issues facing our country or world today.

Separation

Who is that one person in your life that is the most special to you?  Who brings you the most happiness?  Who, if you had to be separated for a long time (maybe even the rest of your life), would you grieve the most over?

Whether separation is from divorce, death, deployment or happenstance it is horrible.  The grief of being parted from the one that you love with all of your heart is inconsolable.  Depression, loneliness, feelings of abandonment and not feeling loved coupled with the inevitable day-to-day changes to your life from the missing person make separation seem like a living hell.

Beets are the new thing

I mainly go to Farmers Markets for my produce.  This time of year you will mainly find good, hardy, root vegetables; which I love!  However, I am not quite as good at finding good diverse ways to use my root veggies, but I am beginning to branch out.  It has been fun for me to try new things. I have discovered that I absolutely love beets, who woulda' thunk it?  I roast them, stir fry them, and put them in soups, yummmy! They are strangely sweet, but still has that earthy texture going on. I just love them, and so does my son, which is wonderful since it is packed full of goodness.

Learning from Sickness

Sickness is moving through my family. Again. This is the third wave we've had in as many weeks. I am gearing up for an ongoing battle with colds and flus as the fall progresses and turns into winter. So, as I deal with these unavoidables, I am trying to search out the tidbits to be thankful for, and focusing on keeping my heart glad, instead of wallowing in the grumpiness and isolation that accompanies times of sickness. This is not an easy task, especially for me. I am not a very understanding caregiver. I grow impatient with fussiness, worn down with nighttime duties, and forget to give the extra TLC that an ill person needs.

My mother was never that way. Even while raising ten children, and dealing with the distractions they contribute to, she always made the sick person feel specially cared for. We would get snuggled up on the couch (where she could watch us closely) and she would ask us what she could make us to eat that might taste good to our sick little bodies. She would deliver the tea and toast (or whatever else) to us, along with a cool washcloth if we were feverish, and she would sit with us and stroke our hair. My mom never had much time to sit down, but it never felt that way when she took care of us. Our needs always came before her own.

Memory Monday - Sister Cousins

Growing up, Katharine, Lizzi and I loved hanging out with our cousins close in age, Sara and Rachel.  Esther loved hanging out with their little sister, Abbi.  As we got older we all spent more time together, both us older girls and the younger ones.


L ro R: Katharine, Rachel, Maude, Lizzi and Sara about 13 years ago.

Sisters Chat About Where They Live

Maude: ‬ ‪We each live in different parts of the country and I thought it would be fun to explore our regions a little bit. 

‪Lizzi: ‬ ‪That's a great idea!‬

‪Maude: ‬ ‪I live in Virginia, Lizzi lives in Washington, and Esther lives in Kentucky but we all grew up in Ohio.‬

Virginia is obviously the South.

Washington is the northwest

And Kentucky could be considered part of several different regions.

Ohio is the north (as we all know from the "California Girls" song by the Beach Boys, right Liz?)

‪Lizzi: ‬ ‪Haha! Yes!‬

Funny that some people consider it midwest, huh?

‪Maude: ‬ ‪Growing up we decided we were most definitely north not midwest because of the lyrics to that song!‬  Midwest starts at the Mississippi‬

‪Lizzi: ‬ ‪I guess it is from when the West was originally settled‬

‪Maude: ‬ ‪Esther, what region would you consider Kentucky to be a part of?

I would like each of us to give a little info about our current region.  Some cultural aspects or historical places of note, whatever.

‪Esther: ‬ ‪umm...‬

Our First Fire

Yesterday and today have been cold in Virginia - not cool, actually cold!  There was even a little snow this morning (our first of the year.)  My husband made a lovely fire and we snuggled and read books together - all four of us.  It was wonderful. 

My man is HOME

It has finally come my husband is HOME! It always felt so far away but now it is here and I am
 overwhelmed with joy and excitement and a whole mix of emotions I do not think I would even know how to begin to describe.  I am sure I will have many stories to share about his returning but I will save that for another day.  Today I just want to look at where we have been this past year and be so thankful for where we are at.  In the days leading up to Andrew's homecoming I found myself looking over past things I had written right before he left. Let me share them with you.

Eyes All Around

Everyone knows that parenting is not an easy job. While it is worth every moment, I think it is fair to term it a difficult blessing. What makes it even more challenging, however, is that as a parent I know that there are eyes upon me at all times. I am not even talking about my children's eyes. (Although those are on me too! Perhaps the impact of those little viewers will be covered in another post.) The eyes I am referring to are the ones watching me when we go to the grocery store, park, church, and out-to-eat. The ones that notice when my toddler stiffens his body in defiance when we try to leave, or observe my baby's shrill screams. They are the eyes that take notice of my responses and reactions, forming conclusions to a situation solely based on their short observance and followed up with assumptions.